Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Long And Lean

I had some free time today so I “fell in to the GAP” to check out some new Spring fashions. I was having a particularly good hair day so I was feeling groovy…

Until I noticed a whole section of the store marked, “Long and Lean.”

This designation made me feel crummy because I am neither. I am “short and meaty” and I am tired of being discriminated against.

“Ankle” length for me means less shortening of the hemline required. “Long” means I could make leg warmers (a “look” from the past that should never return) with the extra fabric that needs to be cut off from the legs.

I asked the 14 year old manager where “my section” was and she squirmed from discomfort.

And what the hell is with the “skinny jean?" This is a look, that like the leg warmers mentioned above and let me add, “Capezios,” should have died a pernmanent death either after The Dick Van Dyke Show was cancelled or Saturday Night Fever left the theatres. Further, these are fashion trends that make most of the population feel like poop.

May I add that the only article a woman should use on/in her body marked “slender” is a tampon.

It’s a conspiracy against women isn’t it? ‘Cause men don’t have the same problem. The “skinny tie” never offended anybody……except for people with fashion sense and that doesn’t count.

“Long and lean”…what were they thinking? This should be used to describe corned beef…not clothing. And by the way, I think a better corned beef sandwich has a little fat on it.

“I’m just sayin”……I didn’t realize “The Gap” was a place between “Long and Lean” and “Plus Size.”

3 comments:

esther said...

You said it sister!
P.S. My word verification was
Cooch!

cynge said...

"Rah,Rah!!!"

Ann McGinley said...

Did you try any of those Long and Lean jeans on? They are awesome! Although I'm tall, I have proportionately short legs and a curvy figure. I weigh 180 lbs. Lean is not a word I would use to describe myself. I was skeptical, but the Gap employee suggested I try them on. Did I say they are awesome? I want to wear them everyday. I have one pair that I wear with high heels (despite being 5'9", these jeans are so long I have to wear heels with them). Then I bought a different wash and had them shortened. Best jeans I have ever had. I'm wearing a pair right now. So besides me loving these jeans, my point is you never can tell until you try them on.