Pillow Talk

Have you heard the latest news? If you want a pillow and blanket in coach on American Airlines, it is going to cost you. The airline will charge you a whopping $8 for a little comfort on domestic flights and select international flights the length of which don’t justify giving you anything for “free.” A spokesperson for American said the airline believes this is a sound economic decision and they want you to feel good about it too….so they are going to throw in a coupon for $10 off a $30 purchase at Bed, Bath and Beyond!! Whoopee!! The move to “fleece” us for a fleece blanket is apparently designed to help AMR, the airline’s parent corporation, recoup the $1.47 billion it lost last year. I don't know about you but I feel their pain and think AMR should consider additional ideas for raising cash in the air.

My first proposal is charging for seat belts. This is a big ticket item so I am thinking $25 per person sounds right. If you don’t pay it, you can’t use it. Another idea is the oxygen mask. This too could be $25 and if you buy “the premium package” for a bargain price of $45 you can have both and a coupon to Sky Mall.

My next proposal involves selling prescription drugs in-flight. I think this could be very profitable, especially in turbulence. Xanax, for example. What would you pay for a few milligrams of that before takeoff or when your tray table is shaking? Ambien? Valium? Viagra for those dreaming of joining the Mile High Club? Dimetapp for the crying baby in front of you? Airline executives should think about that.

And the bathrooms…these could be pay as you go. Ten dollars a pee and $20 for a poo…or you can buy an “all you can go” pass before flight for only $25. Flushable baby wipes could be a money maker as well.

This just proves to you that I am always thinking...

What about auctioning off the right to get off the plane first despite where you are seated? Each number in the order goes to the highest bidder. Or auctioning off the order in which you get served a refreshing beverage? Or paying to reserve an overhead bin? This would alleviate my anxiety about whether my bag will fit on the flight.

How is this for a drop in the old suggestion box?

“New ideas pass through three periods: 1) It can't be done. 2) It probably can be done, but it's not worth doing. 3) I knew it was a good idea all along!”
Arthur C. Clarke quotes (English Writer of science fiction, b.1917)

The $8 blanket? Falls right in to category 2. Don't ya think?