Yabba Dabba Doo

Are your parents “technology challenged?”

Can they operate a cell phone, a computer or a digital camera? What about a DVR? Will they use an ATM or do they still insist on seeing a teller? ‘Cause mine are not completely up to speed on any of these "high-tech" things.

Marge operates a cell phone, but only for “calling out.” She does not do well when others are “calling in.” She can't hear her cell phone. There is no ringtone, no volume, no vibration mode strong enough or loud enough for her to actually hear it ring. They need to invent a phone that goes on fire in her handbag or explodes and shoots out pounds of confetti. Can you picture that?

Marge’s startled friend: “Ummmm, Marge, I think your purse is on fire.”
Marge: “Oh that....it must be my daughter calling.”

Bob, thankfully, sometimes hears the ringer but he does not understand texting. Lovey and I send him texts just to mess with him…’cause he can’t open them or respond. We write stuff like, “If only you could read this, you’d know that ______.”

He loves e-mail though and loves to send me completely inappropriate emails at my work address. I once got called in by the IT supervisor at my job and had to swear I had no clue who Bob was (thank goodness I changed my name when I got married).

IT Supervisor: “But it says, “Sweetie, I thought you would think this is funny. Love, Daddy Bob.”
Me: “Daddy Bob?...sounds like a pimps name. I don’t know anyone named Daddy Bob.”

Marge doesn’t like computers. She just can’t get comfortable in this arena even though we have desperately tried to entice her by introducing her to online shopping. Bob has to actually print out my blogposts for her. She asked me once where the world wide web is. I told her to go to "yenemsville" and make a left.

Lovey and I bought them a digital camera. They loved it only they didn’t understand how to “develop” the pictures.

Bob: I love the camera but it says “my memory is full.”
Lovey: Dad we got you like a gig of memory, that’s 1000 pictures. Don’t you delete them after you download them?

Bob did not respond.

We also bought them a TIVO. This was an experience but eventually was a huge improvement over Bob’s VCR setting skills. They have even graduated to more advanced DVR skills, though they still refer to it as “taping” shows.

Banking is a whole other challenge.

Marge: “I have to get to the bank before it closes. I have to make a deposit?”
Me: Why can’t you use the cash machine?
Marge: “I don’t trust them.”

There is nothing to say to that except, “Okay.”
As in, “Okay, whatever works for you.”

And it does seem to work for them, though I often walk around wondering if they feel like they are watching the Jetsons….'cause I feel like I'm watching the Flintstones.

“Kazoo, where are you?”