"You've Got Mail!"

We've all seen articles and studies about the type of girlfriends every gal should have, i.e., the"Go-To Friend," the "Alter-Ego Friend," the "Truth-Telling Friend," the "Cheerleader Friend," and perhaps the "Girl Who Just Wants To Have Fun Friend." Well, technology has taken this concept to a new level and I am happy to report on "The Six E-Mail Pals Every Vuv I Know Should Have."

The Voice Of Doom E-Mail Friend

This friend sends you e-mails about women who get cancer from deodorant, the dangers of putting Tupperware in the microwave and reminds you of urban legends like the guy who is seen by the gas station attendant hiding in the backseat of your car with a butcher's knife while you are filling your tank. I want to take the opportunity to thank this friend because I am now living in a plastic bubble....but I am safe.

The Diabetes E-Mail Friend

This friend does not actually have the disease, she just sends you e-mails that are so sweet you require an insulin shot after you read them. Birds and hearts and flowers dance on your screen to announce it's "National Girlfriends Day" or it's "Send A Friend A Hug Week" or "Love a Hermaphrodite Month." This friend has got all occasions covered and she wants to share because she loooooooooooves you.

The Charitable E-Mail Friend

I love a good cause and I support many, but this friend has got to ease up. She wants you to give to everyone and quite frankly, I don't want to contribute to the family whose kitchen renovation went over budget.

The Chain Letter E-Mail Friend

I'm sorry, you may be someone I generally love, but when you send me a chain letter, I hate you. I believe we make our own luck and just for sh_ts and giggles, the worse the consequences of not forwarding the chain letter to hundreds of friends, the more likely I am forwarding to only one person---YOU. How's that for keeping the chain going?

The X-Rated Joke E-Mail Friend

I love you babe, but I could be opening your mail at work and I am not supposed to view penis pictures there, even if they are funny. Please think about showing these to me when we are out bowling (Translation: NEVER).

Finally, The Entrepreneurial E-Mail Friend

This friend actually believes if you forward her e-mail to sixty people in seventeen countries, Bill Gates will send you, her and all the recipients of her e-mail a check big enough to repay the national debt and buy a latte at Starbucks. "This really will happen," is always the last sentence of her e-mail and I want to say to this friend, "I love your spunk!"

I love my E-Mail Friends.
No self-respecting Vuv should be without them.
Thank you all!
And in the immortal words of Debby Boone......
"You Light Up [The Inbox] of My Life."

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