In response to “Role Models,” a piece I posted on http://www.thevuvclub.com/ on November 13th, a friend of the VuvClub, Jen, wrote that she too lived by the expressions of her grandma and she graciously shared with me her favorite of her Grandma Ruth-isms: “Don’t let anyone live rent-free in your brain.”
Jen, thanks for sharing!! The brilliance of this expression blew me away. I love it! It’s going to be my new mantra.
“Don’t let anyone live rent-free in your brain!”
It speaks to me. How many sleepless nights I could have avoided if I had embraced this philosophy earlier in life.
A friend, a foe, a colleague, a family member, a boss….through my life I have let each of these take over my head for a moment, a day, a week, two years!!!…fill it with doubt, or anger, insecurity, fantasy speeches that I believe will make them better people, make me feel better, make the world a better place....
I have spent time silently responding to these mind freeloaders that could be spent doing something useful…and now, thanks to Grandma Ruth, I am on the road to being done with that.
Others can visit my brain domain, inspire me, critique me, teach me, judge me…..and I will hear them. I will address what needs addressing, but then like any good visitor, they’ve got to go and I have to decide how I feel, how my behavior will be judged, how I want others to perceive me, what I can do and if the person in my head is unwilling or incapable of changing, to be at peace.
Life is short…and while I love sharing my heart with so many people, love sharing creative thoughts, ideas, jokes, philosophies, even fits of rage and sometimes, idle gossip….when I lay my head down at the end of the day….I only have space in my little brain for me and my dreams….
So thank you Grandma Ruth. I hope you are playing poker with Grandma Leona in the Brooklyn section of heaven, and to my Vuvs, what does “Don’t let anyone live rent free in your brain,” mean to you?
Find your mantra and write me at thevuvclub@verizon.net.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Chick Chatter
Are you chatting with the chicks in your life? Are you sharing and learning how other Vuvs think?
Here’s an experiment. Next time you are out with a group of women, either Vuvs you have already come to know or those you wish to get to know raise a thought provoking question or topic, silly or serious, to generate chick chatter. In fact, throw me a plug and say you got the questions from thevuvclub.com.
Here’s a silly one: Do you and your hubby perform potty functions in front of each other? Are you pooping in front of him? Walking in to curl your eyelashes in the mirror while he’s reading a newspaper and doing his business? Is this a good thing? It’s nice to be comfortable in front of each other but does this have an impact in the boudoir?
Trust me, this is a conversation starter.
Here’s a more serious one: If your hubby’s physical appearance changed materially would you still love him?” I know, this question is politically incorrect to begin with, so let’s assume no tragic accident or disease has disfigured him. Instead, let’s assume he has gained fifty pounds and his belly is now a shelf for his arms…would this change your feelings for him?
You know the answer should be, “Absolutely not,” right? But ask the chicks you’re with, “Is that really your answer?”
Ask if they want to know whether I meant to ask you if you would still be attracted to him? (rather than asking if you would still love him). I did not, but they can answer either way. Follow with this two-parter: Do the two, attraction and love, go hand-in-hand? If you don’t like the fifty pound swing do you start resenting the person and affecting more than mere physical attraction?
Bring it home with the following follow-ups:
Do we owe it to the one who vowed to love us forever to stay in reasonably the same shape as when they took that vow? Does “in sickness and health” mean the same as “in a 34 waist or a 44 waist?”
Ask, when you find out that one member of a couple has cheated and the other has in your opinion, “let themselves go,” do you find the cheater less culpable? Should you?
Is it naïve to rely on the old adage that we love a person’s “insides?”
Is the conversation happening? Are you sharing, laughing, arguing, bonding? I want to know.
I contend that through chick chatter we discover a great deal about the people we are chatting with and ourselves.
Find and keep the Vuvs you love….it will enrich your life.
Tell me about your conversations. Comment here or write to me at thevuvclub@optonline.net.
Here’s an experiment. Next time you are out with a group of women, either Vuvs you have already come to know or those you wish to get to know raise a thought provoking question or topic, silly or serious, to generate chick chatter. In fact, throw me a plug and say you got the questions from thevuvclub.com.
Here’s a silly one: Do you and your hubby perform potty functions in front of each other? Are you pooping in front of him? Walking in to curl your eyelashes in the mirror while he’s reading a newspaper and doing his business? Is this a good thing? It’s nice to be comfortable in front of each other but does this have an impact in the boudoir?
Trust me, this is a conversation starter.
Here’s a more serious one: If your hubby’s physical appearance changed materially would you still love him?” I know, this question is politically incorrect to begin with, so let’s assume no tragic accident or disease has disfigured him. Instead, let’s assume he has gained fifty pounds and his belly is now a shelf for his arms…would this change your feelings for him?
You know the answer should be, “Absolutely not,” right? But ask the chicks you’re with, “Is that really your answer?”
Ask if they want to know whether I meant to ask you if you would still be attracted to him? (rather than asking if you would still love him). I did not, but they can answer either way. Follow with this two-parter: Do the two, attraction and love, go hand-in-hand? If you don’t like the fifty pound swing do you start resenting the person and affecting more than mere physical attraction?
Bring it home with the following follow-ups:
Do we owe it to the one who vowed to love us forever to stay in reasonably the same shape as when they took that vow? Does “in sickness and health” mean the same as “in a 34 waist or a 44 waist?”
Ask, when you find out that one member of a couple has cheated and the other has in your opinion, “let themselves go,” do you find the cheater less culpable? Should you?
Is it naïve to rely on the old adage that we love a person’s “insides?”
Is the conversation happening? Are you sharing, laughing, arguing, bonding? I want to know.
I contend that through chick chatter we discover a great deal about the people we are chatting with and ourselves.
Find and keep the Vuvs you love….it will enrich your life.
Tell me about your conversations. Comment here or write to me at thevuvclub@optonline.net.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Poised And Ready
Sydney and I were in the drug store, waiting on line to pay, when Sydney noticed the two elderly women in front of us. They were, I’m guessing, in their eighties. One had a walker the other was pushing their cart which had only two jumbo sized boxes of "Poise" pads in it.
“Mom, I think they’re sisters,” she whispered to me.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. Cute, huh?” I whispered back while imagining Sister Lovey and I one day taking care of each other.
“And look,” Syd said, “They still get their periods.”
Choking back a laugh (no, a huge guffaw) I say, “I don’t think that’s possible honey.”
“Then why are they buying those?” she asked pointing to the Poise.
“I think because of loss of bladder control,” I said.
Syd looked at me like I had three heads and said nothing till we got in the car.
“Mom, what do you mean by loss of bladder control?” Syd asked.
“I think they pee in their pants honey. You know, like when Grandma Margie coughs too hard.” I replied.
This made Syd laugh. “Oooooh Mom, it sucks being a woman. What else do I have to look forward to?”
Tough question. How much should I tell her? She is after all, only 11…..and we haven’t had lunch yet.
She jumps in before I can get started. “Mom,I forget, is your period every week or every month?
“That would be every month,” I tell her.
“Do you know when it’s coming?” she asked.
“Well, it doesn’t send you a telegram, but you will have ways of knowing,” I tell her.
Syd has no idea what a telegram is so she simply accepts my answer.
I need to change the topic.
“I think when you get old you sprout hairs out of your chin.” I blurt out.
“Really?” she said, as she leaned in to stare at mine.
“I said, when you get old, Sydney. I am not old……yet.”
“Oh,” she said, smirking.
“And I think you have to take stuff like prune juice and Metamucil to make poops,” I add.
“That will never be a problem for us,” Syd said cheerily.
“And I think your boobs fall so low that you have to throw them over your shoulder to wash your belly underneath, “ I tell her.
“Mommmmmmmm!, “she screeches. “Seriously, boys don’t have any of this stuff. It's not fair.”
“Yes, but boys are stupid Sydney and we are not,” I tell her, knowing this will be the satisfying conclusion she is looking for.
“True,” she mumbled as we got out of the car for lunch.
I went around and grabbed her hand for the walk to our next destination and asked her, “Are we poised for a life of women stuff Syd?”
“I think we’ll be okay, Mom.”
Yes we will…I love you mini-me.
May we always keep the conversation goin’
“Mom, I think they’re sisters,” she whispered to me.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. Cute, huh?” I whispered back while imagining Sister Lovey and I one day taking care of each other.
“And look,” Syd said, “They still get their periods.”
Choking back a laugh (no, a huge guffaw) I say, “I don’t think that’s possible honey.”
“Then why are they buying those?” she asked pointing to the Poise.
“I think because of loss of bladder control,” I said.
Syd looked at me like I had three heads and said nothing till we got in the car.
“Mom, what do you mean by loss of bladder control?” Syd asked.
“I think they pee in their pants honey. You know, like when Grandma Margie coughs too hard.” I replied.
This made Syd laugh. “Oooooh Mom, it sucks being a woman. What else do I have to look forward to?”
Tough question. How much should I tell her? She is after all, only 11…..and we haven’t had lunch yet.
She jumps in before I can get started. “Mom,I forget, is your period every week or every month?
“That would be every month,” I tell her.
“Do you know when it’s coming?” she asked.
“Well, it doesn’t send you a telegram, but you will have ways of knowing,” I tell her.
Syd has no idea what a telegram is so she simply accepts my answer.
I need to change the topic.
“I think when you get old you sprout hairs out of your chin.” I blurt out.
“Really?” she said, as she leaned in to stare at mine.
“I said, when you get old, Sydney. I am not old……yet.”
“Oh,” she said, smirking.
“And I think you have to take stuff like prune juice and Metamucil to make poops,” I add.
“That will never be a problem for us,” Syd said cheerily.
“And I think your boobs fall so low that you have to throw them over your shoulder to wash your belly underneath, “ I tell her.
“Mommmmmmmm!, “she screeches. “Seriously, boys don’t have any of this stuff. It's not fair.”
“Yes, but boys are stupid Sydney and we are not,” I tell her, knowing this will be the satisfying conclusion she is looking for.
“True,” she mumbled as we got out of the car for lunch.
I went around and grabbed her hand for the walk to our next destination and asked her, “Are we poised for a life of women stuff Syd?”
“I think we’ll be okay, Mom.”
Yes we will…I love you mini-me.
May we always keep the conversation goin’
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Role Models
My ninetieth post and I have yet to tell you about the queen Vuv, the high priestess of my tribe and perhaps my all time favorite person in life…..Grandma Leona.
Leona was my guiding light and I was lucky enough to have her by my side for the first 35 years of my life. She was a Vuv ahead of her time and she possessed all the qualities I admire in a Vuv. She was an incredible role model for me and I thought today, maybe you could all take an opportunity to think about the role models in your life. If you have been lucky enough to have experienced the love of a grandma (or another role model), then you will undoubtedly feel as if we are talking about your grandma (or role model) too. If you haven’t, you can dream of being a role model someone wants to honor and write about someday too…even years after you are gone.
And so, I give you "Leona-isms".....
Leona lived 98 years. That is a lot of time to evolve and a lot of time in which to acquire and dispense wisdom…and dispense she did.
Leona shared tidbits that covered all areas of life and I want to share them with you. Some subscribe to the theory that everything they learned in life they learned in kindergarten. Everything I learned in life I learned from Leona-isms.
Leona-isms are expressions which Leona seemed to have for every occasion. Some had multi-occasion uses.
If you told Leona that someone rejected your invitation or failed to appear at something you expected them to be at, she’d say, “If you don’t come you don’t have to go home.” This taught me if you don’t put in the effort you will get nothing….. and that it’s better to view someone’s failure to “show up” as their loss, not yours.
If you told Leona someone disappointed you, she’d say, “You don’t put chopped meat in the grinder and pull out filet mignon.” This taught me to manage my expectations and to try to understand people for who they are and what they are capable of being.
When I was overeating and experiencing my awkward stage (which lasted thirty years), she’d say, “Eat honey, a big furnace needs a lot of fuel.” Okay, that one was a double-edged sword. I mean, who wants to be a big furnace? On the other hand she gave me justification for stuffing my face. I love that Leona-ism.
When you asked her why she didn’t have a credit card, she’d say, “If you can’t afford to buy it with cash, you shouldn’t buy it.” I know I have listened to this one. Too bad she didn’t get the chance to advise President Bush.
When you told her how angry you were at someone and that you planned to hate them forever, she’d say, “Don’t hold a grudge, it takes too much energy.” It took me till my 40’s to understand this one and to know how right she was. It is exhausting to try to be true to angry feelings and a complete waste of time.
On fashion: Every time Lori and I introduced her to what we thought was a new fashion trend she’d produce something from the past that was the same as the thing we thought was new and trendy and she’d say, “The more things change the more they stay the same.” Again, I think she was right.
And besides her expressions her behavior taught me life lessons. Leona lived 98 years and never wore pants. She was 4’10” and thought her legs were too short for pants. She owned about 50 skirts. Obviously, once she made up her mind about something there was no changing it…and she was true to her sense of self and style…something I continue to aspire to.
Most importantly, she taught me always to look for the silver lining. She had a radical mastectomy when she was in her fifties (yes, she lived more than forty years after that) and she wore a bra with a prosthesis and the fake boob had a secret zipper pocket in which she kept a grand or two (cause she didn’t believe in credit cards). Anyway, I was at Alexander’s (a department store of yore) with her when I was a kid and she decided to buy a couch. We had to go to the bathroom to get the money. We laughed in that bathroom stall and I will never forget how the missing boob was no big deal because she made so light of it by saying, “Well you see, now I have a place for my money.”
To the Vuv who told me I could accomplish anything I set my mind to...you live on in my heart and mind.
This weekend, give thanks for someone who brought love and wisdom to your life and taught you to dream.
Leona was my guiding light and I was lucky enough to have her by my side for the first 35 years of my life. She was a Vuv ahead of her time and she possessed all the qualities I admire in a Vuv. She was an incredible role model for me and I thought today, maybe you could all take an opportunity to think about the role models in your life. If you have been lucky enough to have experienced the love of a grandma (or another role model), then you will undoubtedly feel as if we are talking about your grandma (or role model) too. If you haven’t, you can dream of being a role model someone wants to honor and write about someday too…even years after you are gone.
And so, I give you "Leona-isms".....
Leona lived 98 years. That is a lot of time to evolve and a lot of time in which to acquire and dispense wisdom…and dispense she did.
Leona shared tidbits that covered all areas of life and I want to share them with you. Some subscribe to the theory that everything they learned in life they learned in kindergarten. Everything I learned in life I learned from Leona-isms.
Leona-isms are expressions which Leona seemed to have for every occasion. Some had multi-occasion uses.
If you told Leona that someone rejected your invitation or failed to appear at something you expected them to be at, she’d say, “If you don’t come you don’t have to go home.” This taught me if you don’t put in the effort you will get nothing….. and that it’s better to view someone’s failure to “show up” as their loss, not yours.
If you told Leona someone disappointed you, she’d say, “You don’t put chopped meat in the grinder and pull out filet mignon.” This taught me to manage my expectations and to try to understand people for who they are and what they are capable of being.
When I was overeating and experiencing my awkward stage (which lasted thirty years), she’d say, “Eat honey, a big furnace needs a lot of fuel.” Okay, that one was a double-edged sword. I mean, who wants to be a big furnace? On the other hand she gave me justification for stuffing my face. I love that Leona-ism.
When you asked her why she didn’t have a credit card, she’d say, “If you can’t afford to buy it with cash, you shouldn’t buy it.” I know I have listened to this one. Too bad she didn’t get the chance to advise President Bush.
When you told her how angry you were at someone and that you planned to hate them forever, she’d say, “Don’t hold a grudge, it takes too much energy.” It took me till my 40’s to understand this one and to know how right she was. It is exhausting to try to be true to angry feelings and a complete waste of time.
On fashion: Every time Lori and I introduced her to what we thought was a new fashion trend she’d produce something from the past that was the same as the thing we thought was new and trendy and she’d say, “The more things change the more they stay the same.” Again, I think she was right.
And besides her expressions her behavior taught me life lessons. Leona lived 98 years and never wore pants. She was 4’10” and thought her legs were too short for pants. She owned about 50 skirts. Obviously, once she made up her mind about something there was no changing it…and she was true to her sense of self and style…something I continue to aspire to.
Most importantly, she taught me always to look for the silver lining. She had a radical mastectomy when she was in her fifties (yes, she lived more than forty years after that) and she wore a bra with a prosthesis and the fake boob had a secret zipper pocket in which she kept a grand or two (cause she didn’t believe in credit cards). Anyway, I was at Alexander’s (a department store of yore) with her when I was a kid and she decided to buy a couch. We had to go to the bathroom to get the money. We laughed in that bathroom stall and I will never forget how the missing boob was no big deal because she made so light of it by saying, “Well you see, now I have a place for my money.”
To the Vuv who told me I could accomplish anything I set my mind to...you live on in my heart and mind.
This weekend, give thanks for someone who brought love and wisdom to your life and taught you to dream.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Ubby Dubby Language
Do your kids say stuff like "I shot front seat" or "I shot I go first?"
Mine do and I have so many questions about this word and this system. It’s more confusing than ubby dubby language was to our generation (“Send it to Zoom…Oh-2-1-3-4,send it to Zoom.”)
Regarding the word,”shot,” I looked it up on my favorite site that makes me feel like a twelve year old, UrbanDictionary.com and it confirms that my children’s slang usage is correct though the word really is limited to announcing your desire to ride “shotgun.” in a car.“
My kids have extended its use to all contexts…who picks the movie we watch, who picks the first donut out of the mixed dozen…
And not only do they assert that they "shot it," they are willing to fight to the death for the right to enforce the "shot."
"Get out of the front seat Sydney," says Max, "I shot it an hour ago."
"I didn't hear you," Sydney replies, which raises the first question: If you didn't hear the "shot" does it count?
Second question: for how many hours does the "shot" stand? Is there a statute of limitations? If you shot it an hour ago, does that still count?
Worse, what are the politics of one of your child’s friends “shooting” (is that correct?) the front seat of your car? Must you abide by this and let another child ride shotgun in your car while your kid rides backseat?
Since I am mother and lawyer I am often asked to mediate these disputes and I do not know the answers. I am also unsure as to whether answering them constitutes helping to perpetuate this system.
Imagine walking in to your office one day and saying, "I shot I am CEO today." You proceed to the CEO's office, take a seat behind the desk, put your feet up, hands behind head and he or she, the real CEO walks in.
"Get the hell out of my chair," says the CEO.
You reply, "I don't think you get it. I shot CEO a half hour ago. I don't know if you heard me, but......"
OR…you drive away from the valet stand in a gorgeous new Bentley and as it’s owner is banging on your window and chasing you down the street you say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I shot the Bentley today, here are the keys to my Toyota.”
Maybe the kids have something here….
I don’t know….
I was young once and admittedly, we used the expression, "I called it," but if my memory serves me, we limited the context in which we used this to things like the batting order during a pick-up wiffle ball game and starting in the ace box in chinese handball. My children just seem to take this "I shot" system further than I think is practical.
Maybe it's a phase. Maybe they will outgrow it. Maybe tonight I will remember to say, "I shot the remote" first so I can actually watch something I like on our big screen t.v.
Let's give the kids of a taste of what it's like to need translation of a language we know for a change:
Hubbere ubbis subbome Ubbubbubby Dubbubbubby
(Here is some ubby dubby).
And I can't resist....
"Come on and zoom, zoom, zooma zoom
We're gonna, zooma, zooma, zooma zoom
Come on give it a try
We're gonna show you just why
We're gonna teach you to fly high........."
Mine do and I have so many questions about this word and this system. It’s more confusing than ubby dubby language was to our generation (“Send it to Zoom…Oh-2-1-3-4,send it to Zoom.”)
Regarding the word,”shot,” I looked it up on my favorite site that makes me feel like a twelve year old, UrbanDictionary.com and it confirms that my children’s slang usage is correct though the word really is limited to announcing your desire to ride “shotgun.” in a car.“
My kids have extended its use to all contexts…who picks the movie we watch, who picks the first donut out of the mixed dozen…
And not only do they assert that they "shot it," they are willing to fight to the death for the right to enforce the "shot."
"Get out of the front seat Sydney," says Max, "I shot it an hour ago."
"I didn't hear you," Sydney replies, which raises the first question: If you didn't hear the "shot" does it count?
Second question: for how many hours does the "shot" stand? Is there a statute of limitations? If you shot it an hour ago, does that still count?
Worse, what are the politics of one of your child’s friends “shooting” (is that correct?) the front seat of your car? Must you abide by this and let another child ride shotgun in your car while your kid rides backseat?
Since I am mother and lawyer I am often asked to mediate these disputes and I do not know the answers. I am also unsure as to whether answering them constitutes helping to perpetuate this system.
Imagine walking in to your office one day and saying, "I shot I am CEO today." You proceed to the CEO's office, take a seat behind the desk, put your feet up, hands behind head and he or she, the real CEO walks in.
"Get the hell out of my chair," says the CEO.
You reply, "I don't think you get it. I shot CEO a half hour ago. I don't know if you heard me, but......"
OR…you drive away from the valet stand in a gorgeous new Bentley and as it’s owner is banging on your window and chasing you down the street you say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I shot the Bentley today, here are the keys to my Toyota.”
Maybe the kids have something here….
I don’t know….
I was young once and admittedly, we used the expression, "I called it," but if my memory serves me, we limited the context in which we used this to things like the batting order during a pick-up wiffle ball game and starting in the ace box in chinese handball. My children just seem to take this "I shot" system further than I think is practical.
Maybe it's a phase. Maybe they will outgrow it. Maybe tonight I will remember to say, "I shot the remote" first so I can actually watch something I like on our big screen t.v.
Let's give the kids of a taste of what it's like to need translation of a language we know for a change:
Hubbere ubbis subbome Ubbubbubby Dubbubbubby
(Here is some ubby dubby).
And I can't resist....
"Come on and zoom, zoom, zooma zoom
We're gonna, zooma, zooma, zooma zoom
Come on give it a try
We're gonna show you just why
We're gonna teach you to fly high........."
Monday, November 10, 2008
Are You Gifted?
“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
I know, I heard it a hundred times…but I ask you, do they not buy gifts on Mars?
What is so hard about remembering an occasion and choosing a thoughtful gift? Does one have to be “gifted” to be good at giving gifts?
An apology to the males that are good at this….but as for the rest of them…I don’t get it. The men I know like getting gifts. They love it when the special women in their lives get them something they really wanted or needed, yet they don’t have a clue what a thoughtful gift means to a woman.
A thoughtful gift! “Cause in my Vuv world the quality of a gift is not measured by it’s cost. There are several categories by which a gift is measured and I will describe them in “guy language” in case any of you Vuvs have the nerve to share this with your men.
If gift giving were an Olympic sport, points would be given for each of the following: Timeliness, quality of written words (accompanying card or note), and finally, the all-encompassing category, will the gift--ee be proud to tell other Vuvs what she got?
To be clear, the last category is all encompassing and is meant to be the opposite of shallow…the opposite of materialistic….because this category could make an electric screwdriver a good gift. You see, if the gift-ee can say to her friends, “How cute is this? He heard me complaining about working with an old-fashioned, manual screwdriver and got me an electric one,” then the gift-er would have scored in all categories. If shish kabob skewers somehow feel thoughtful to your girl then everyone’s a winner…and why is this so hard to understand?
While we are at it mars-tians, what man who has ever been in a relationship with a woman (including his mother) can claim, with a straight face, to not yet understand that when a woman says “I don’t really want anything,” that she does not mean it. What she is really saying is, “Why are you even asking me that in the first place? If you have to ask me you haven’t given it the appropriate thought, you don’t care enough to surprise me, my birthday comes the same time every freakin’ year and you had plenty of time to think about it!” Yes, that is the official Vuv translation for what we mean when we say, “”I don’t really want anything.”
My hubby Eric says that is totally unfair…that we give off mixed signals. He also said to tell all of you that this whole piece is a “vicious pack of lies.”
Okay, but let me just say……”Mixed signals, my as_!”
Here’s the signal…no matter what we say, we are looking for an expression of love….a sign that you get that occasions are important to us. A sign that you understand that we scientifically analyze everything you do in the way of acknowledging our occasions and assess how much you love us by the overall quality of your gift.
I know, I heard it a hundred times…but I ask you, do they not buy gifts on Mars?
What is so hard about remembering an occasion and choosing a thoughtful gift? Does one have to be “gifted” to be good at giving gifts?
An apology to the males that are good at this….but as for the rest of them…I don’t get it. The men I know like getting gifts. They love it when the special women in their lives get them something they really wanted or needed, yet they don’t have a clue what a thoughtful gift means to a woman.
A thoughtful gift! “Cause in my Vuv world the quality of a gift is not measured by it’s cost. There are several categories by which a gift is measured and I will describe them in “guy language” in case any of you Vuvs have the nerve to share this with your men.
If gift giving were an Olympic sport, points would be given for each of the following: Timeliness, quality of written words (accompanying card or note), and finally, the all-encompassing category, will the gift--ee be proud to tell other Vuvs what she got?
To be clear, the last category is all encompassing and is meant to be the opposite of shallow…the opposite of materialistic….because this category could make an electric screwdriver a good gift. You see, if the gift-ee can say to her friends, “How cute is this? He heard me complaining about working with an old-fashioned, manual screwdriver and got me an electric one,” then the gift-er would have scored in all categories. If shish kabob skewers somehow feel thoughtful to your girl then everyone’s a winner…and why is this so hard to understand?
While we are at it mars-tians, what man who has ever been in a relationship with a woman (including his mother) can claim, with a straight face, to not yet understand that when a woman says “I don’t really want anything,” that she does not mean it. What she is really saying is, “Why are you even asking me that in the first place? If you have to ask me you haven’t given it the appropriate thought, you don’t care enough to surprise me, my birthday comes the same time every freakin’ year and you had plenty of time to think about it!” Yes, that is the official Vuv translation for what we mean when we say, “”I don’t really want anything.”
My hubby Eric says that is totally unfair…that we give off mixed signals. He also said to tell all of you that this whole piece is a “vicious pack of lies.”
Okay, but let me just say……”Mixed signals, my as_!”
Here’s the signal…no matter what we say, we are looking for an expression of love….a sign that you get that occasions are important to us. A sign that you understand that we scientifically analyze everything you do in the way of acknowledging our occasions and assess how much you love us by the overall quality of your gift.
Now you know.
And once you know, you can’t claim not to know.
Those are the rules…on Venus.
And once you know, you can’t claim not to know.
Those are the rules…on Venus.
When it comes to giving love, the opportunities are unlimited and we are all gifted."
Leo Buscaglia
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Meet Me On Facebook
Wanna share your Vuv-ish thoughts? Contribute to my blogposts?
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Send Me a friend request with the message, "I read thevuvclub.com"
xo
Leslie Adler
Meet Me On Facebook.
Send Me a friend request with the message, "I read thevuvclub.com"
xo
Leslie Adler
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