I have been a mother for 14 years and still there are moments, experiences that make me say “Geez, I really am a mother.” Some of them are wonderful, proud and happy moments and others are when I am worried sick or feeling like a mother bear that ferociously wants to protect her cubs. The following is an example of the latter.
Dressed up and off to a romantic dinner at The Ritz Carlton at Bachelor’s Gulch, and my phone starts flashing with the number of the kid’s sleepaway camp. It is Sydney, hysterical and at the infirmary with fever and an achy throat. No panic to take her home, everyone is calm…except Sydney…’cause everyone is going on a trip tomorrow and she has to stay back.
My appetite leaves, my heart aches and my words from a few thousand miles away don’t seem to be helping my baby.
I am generally rational and grounded and not usually overly dramatic about these things…I am grateful this call was not about something really serious…but I could vomit…and every one of you moms knows exactly what I am talking about.
It’s as if we are our kid’s voodoo dolls….when they get pricked so do we…and often the feeling is as intense as what our kids feel. Sadly, it is often more as they get over it so quick and we have already done something completely over the top to address the thing they are already over.
Eric told me to chill and outwardly I tried but the words, “I miss you and I hate it when I don’t feel well and you are not around,” haunted my evening.
Within 24 hours the problem was solved and I got my breath back. Sydney told me on the phone that she loved me and she was sorry she made me so crazy…then she said “thank you for caring so much about me.” And the feeling of joy that those words brought over me was worth any heartache any day of the week.
Geez, I really am a mother.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
SkyMall
I am on a flight to Colorado and due to the runway traffic at LaGuardia and the fact that we were number 92 on line for takeoff, I am one hour into the actual flight time and without reading material. (Three gossip magazines and 27 pages on Kate Gosselin. Who gives a flying sh_t?) So I peer into the little pouch in the back of the seat in front of me. I do this carefully, a two-finger pull back of the stretchy material because this is a place that my 43 years on earth has taught me requires care before entering….like rubber gloves and perhaps a gas mask. Apparently, cleaning the plane does not include these pouches and I am declaring now that I think the safety video should add something about that. They take the time to tell me my seat has to be upright because the two inches it reclines is somehow a safety hazard (how can that be a difference between life and death?) but a little warning that I could reach in to the pouch for a magazine and get a half-eaten sticky lollipop stuck to my hand or someone else’s booger-filled tissue and be traumatized forever is not mentioned.
My peer into the pouch reveals “Sky Mall” magazine. Someone explain this to me, ‘cause I don’t get the “Sky Mall.” Quite frankly this is the last place I am shopping for gardening tools. What if I don’t land safely? Who will use my hoe then? But Hammacher Schlemmer does not agree with me. They have compiled this glossy book to offer me, amongst other things, a “Marshmallow shooter.” It is a pump action device that shoots edible marshmallows rapid fire. I decide “I gotta get me one of those,” but they cannot take advantage of my desire to impulse shop as…..go figure?.... I am in the sky!!! What are the odds that upon deplaning I will say to Eric, “Stop right there, I need to call 1800skymall?” Even though he was eyeing the digital camera swim mask, I don’t think he would be thrilled. It’s okay though because I will forever remember my favorite part of the catalogue which is that at the top of every page it says, “Can’t decide what to buy? Get a Skymall gift card.” I am totally buying that for someone I love when I get around to it….just to see their face when they open it. “Oh, a Skymall gift card….how thoughtful!”
This does entertain me, however….for a good half hour….which is not an easy task while I am in flight. I don’t love air travel….but I do love to go places….just another contradiction of my life that I have to deal with. So, I humor myself with crazy thoughts and observations when I am flying to pass the time like which illiterate airline employee created a sign that says “No smoking in the toilet?” Shouldn’t it say “lavatory” or bathroom?” Who can fit in the toilet? “Look out…I am going in.”
Oh you have no idea what it is like to live inside my head…
Thanks for letting me share.
xoxoxox
From “Almost in Denver”
My peer into the pouch reveals “Sky Mall” magazine. Someone explain this to me, ‘cause I don’t get the “Sky Mall.” Quite frankly this is the last place I am shopping for gardening tools. What if I don’t land safely? Who will use my hoe then? But Hammacher Schlemmer does not agree with me. They have compiled this glossy book to offer me, amongst other things, a “Marshmallow shooter.” It is a pump action device that shoots edible marshmallows rapid fire. I decide “I gotta get me one of those,” but they cannot take advantage of my desire to impulse shop as…..go figure?.... I am in the sky!!! What are the odds that upon deplaning I will say to Eric, “Stop right there, I need to call 1800skymall?” Even though he was eyeing the digital camera swim mask, I don’t think he would be thrilled. It’s okay though because I will forever remember my favorite part of the catalogue which is that at the top of every page it says, “Can’t decide what to buy? Get a Skymall gift card.” I am totally buying that for someone I love when I get around to it….just to see their face when they open it. “Oh, a Skymall gift card….how thoughtful!”
This does entertain me, however….for a good half hour….which is not an easy task while I am in flight. I don’t love air travel….but I do love to go places….just another contradiction of my life that I have to deal with. So, I humor myself with crazy thoughts and observations when I am flying to pass the time like which illiterate airline employee created a sign that says “No smoking in the toilet?” Shouldn’t it say “lavatory” or bathroom?” Who can fit in the toilet? “Look out…I am going in.”
Oh you have no idea what it is like to live inside my head…
Thanks for letting me share.
xoxoxox
From “Almost in Denver”
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Independence Day
Independence Day…
A joyous occasion for our great country…and just an all around interesting word, “INDEPENDENCE.” Say it three times fast.
“Freedom from control by another person, organization or state,” is the definition the holiday, Independence Day, evokes but it means so many more things to all of us. Being independent can mean self-supporting, able to function by oneself and not be dependent on others, capable of thinking or acting without consultation or guidance from others, not affecting other “variables,” not being affected by others….
Hearing the word can make you want to stand up and sing the lyrics made popular by Destiny’s Child, “All the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me, all the honeys who makin’ money, throw your hands up at me…”
But I often think of the word in the context of relationships and whether I am getting the “Independence factor” right. So, as you sit around boozing it up with your pals this holiday weekend, I offer you this question to ponder and discuss (well, it’s more like many questions or one with sub-parts):
In a good relationship, is it best to be dependent on each other or independent of each other? Or, is there some mix? Do you think you have the formula worked out? If not, what would you change?
I have divorced friends who have said they were too independent and leading their own lives led to the demise of their relationship and I have friends who want to be divorced but are too dependent on their spouses to do so. Thankfully, I have many friends who think their “Independence factor” is just right.
Phyllis Diller said, “Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.” I'm just wondering, how would you rank the importance of these things?
Happy 4th Vuv-ellas. May you find happiness when scratching your own back and when having it scratched by others.
A joyous occasion for our great country…and just an all around interesting word, “INDEPENDENCE.” Say it three times fast.
“Freedom from control by another person, organization or state,” is the definition the holiday, Independence Day, evokes but it means so many more things to all of us. Being independent can mean self-supporting, able to function by oneself and not be dependent on others, capable of thinking or acting without consultation or guidance from others, not affecting other “variables,” not being affected by others….
Hearing the word can make you want to stand up and sing the lyrics made popular by Destiny’s Child, “All the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me, all the honeys who makin’ money, throw your hands up at me…”
But I often think of the word in the context of relationships and whether I am getting the “Independence factor” right. So, as you sit around boozing it up with your pals this holiday weekend, I offer you this question to ponder and discuss (well, it’s more like many questions or one with sub-parts):
In a good relationship, is it best to be dependent on each other or independent of each other? Or, is there some mix? Do you think you have the formula worked out? If not, what would you change?
I have divorced friends who have said they were too independent and leading their own lives led to the demise of their relationship and I have friends who want to be divorced but are too dependent on their spouses to do so. Thankfully, I have many friends who think their “Independence factor” is just right.
Phyllis Diller said, “Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.” I'm just wondering, how would you rank the importance of these things?
Happy 4th Vuv-ellas. May you find happiness when scratching your own back and when having it scratched by others.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Enjoying The View
I spent much of the day staring at my husband's ass.....
And there are two reasons for that.
The first reason is we spent many hours on our bikes. We love cycling and we took a long and scenic ride together. Eric is the stronger rider. Hence, his ass was in front of me.
The second reason is our kids are away at sleepaway camp. We bid them farewell yesterday for seven weeks and one day (but who's counting?). It is just me and Eric in the house and it is quiet.
That quiet....that lack of tumult....it makes you take a look at the person you will be going one-on-one with for all that time.
You look at whether the conversation is easy, whether with no kids walking between you, you remember how to hold hands, you look at whether you still have common interests and desires.....
If all that works....hopefully you look at his ass....and other parts...with thoughts of seeing alot of them for seven weeks and one day....
I know I am.
May you all enjoy your view this summer.
And there are two reasons for that.
The first reason is we spent many hours on our bikes. We love cycling and we took a long and scenic ride together. Eric is the stronger rider. Hence, his ass was in front of me.
The second reason is our kids are away at sleepaway camp. We bid them farewell yesterday for seven weeks and one day (but who's counting?). It is just me and Eric in the house and it is quiet.
That quiet....that lack of tumult....it makes you take a look at the person you will be going one-on-one with for all that time.
You look at whether the conversation is easy, whether with no kids walking between you, you remember how to hold hands, you look at whether you still have common interests and desires.....
If all that works....hopefully you look at his ass....and other parts...with thoughts of seeing alot of them for seven weeks and one day....
I know I am.
May you all enjoy your view this summer.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Growing Pains
My children have officially finished the 9th and 6th grades, respectively....and they are out partying.
I, on the other hand, am in my pajamas...a term I use very loosely to describe anything I deem comfortable enough to sleep in.....pondering just how old I thought my parents were when I was in the 9th and/or 6th grade.
While I am pondering...and writing, I realize I am wearing little half glasses.....because I recently discovered I need them to see. As it turns out, my arms were no longer long enough to read without them and a computer screen with braille apparently costs extra...or doesn't exist. The point is you can't look or feel young wearing half glasses hanging at the end of your nose....and you can't convince yourself that you are still feeling twenty eight, mentally or physically, when you have a 14 year old who is staying out later than you on a consistent basis and all your favorite songs are re-makes!!
"Mom, did you ever hear this song, "I Will Survive?"
"No, honey, I respond" (sarcastically) as I look to the heavens and pray that Gloria Gaynor will forgive me.
When did this happen? I don't mean to go all "Sunrise/Sunset" on you, but.......
When did my children grow so tall that to stick my finger in their faces while making a point I have to reach up?
When did all these things happen to their bodies that required hundreds of dollars of drug store items for camp? (Razors? Tweezers?)
When did I develop a need for fiber pills? (OK, that's a whole different story....)
For the record, when I was 14, my mother was pretty much the same age I am now...and I remember thinking she was like 100 and clueless. She asked so many questions: "Where are you going? Who are you going with? Who else is going to be there? What time will you be home? How are you getting home?" And I remember thinking, "Ugh, she is so annoying.".....
Yet clearly, I asked Max all the same questions tonight....
Come to think of it, I am 43 and married with kids and Marge asked me those questions tonight as well...
Anyway...it seems I am having a "moment." School ended, the children are leaving for camp, smarter and bigger than they were the year before (but then, so am I)....and I am feeling just a bit older and slightly closer to clueless about what is beginning to go on in the minds and bodies of those two children I love more than I ever could imagine I could love anything or anyone...
I guess growing pains can come at any age, huh?
May all those heading off on summer adventures, adults and children alike, enjoy every moment of the journey that lies ahead.
I, on the other hand, am in my pajamas...a term I use very loosely to describe anything I deem comfortable enough to sleep in.....pondering just how old I thought my parents were when I was in the 9th and/or 6th grade.
While I am pondering...and writing, I realize I am wearing little half glasses.....because I recently discovered I need them to see. As it turns out, my arms were no longer long enough to read without them and a computer screen with braille apparently costs extra...or doesn't exist. The point is you can't look or feel young wearing half glasses hanging at the end of your nose....and you can't convince yourself that you are still feeling twenty eight, mentally or physically, when you have a 14 year old who is staying out later than you on a consistent basis and all your favorite songs are re-makes!!
"Mom, did you ever hear this song, "I Will Survive?"
"No, honey, I respond" (sarcastically) as I look to the heavens and pray that Gloria Gaynor will forgive me.
When did this happen? I don't mean to go all "Sunrise/Sunset" on you, but.......
When did my children grow so tall that to stick my finger in their faces while making a point I have to reach up?
When did all these things happen to their bodies that required hundreds of dollars of drug store items for camp? (Razors? Tweezers?)
When did I develop a need for fiber pills? (OK, that's a whole different story....)
For the record, when I was 14, my mother was pretty much the same age I am now...and I remember thinking she was like 100 and clueless. She asked so many questions: "Where are you going? Who are you going with? Who else is going to be there? What time will you be home? How are you getting home?" And I remember thinking, "Ugh, she is so annoying.".....
Yet clearly, I asked Max all the same questions tonight....
Come to think of it, I am 43 and married with kids and Marge asked me those questions tonight as well...
Anyway...it seems I am having a "moment." School ended, the children are leaving for camp, smarter and bigger than they were the year before (but then, so am I)....and I am feeling just a bit older and slightly closer to clueless about what is beginning to go on in the minds and bodies of those two children I love more than I ever could imagine I could love anything or anyone...
I guess growing pains can come at any age, huh?
May all those heading off on summer adventures, adults and children alike, enjoy every moment of the journey that lies ahead.
Set Your DVR's
Look for me!
On Live it Up! With Donna Drake and Fran Capo!
Friday, June 26th on WLNY-TV 10/55 at 6 a.m.
http://liveituptvshow.com/
On Live it Up! With Donna Drake and Fran Capo!
Friday, June 26th on WLNY-TV 10/55 at 6 a.m.
http://liveituptvshow.com/
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A Visit With "The Friendship Doctor"
I had the amazing good fortune to chat with Dr. Irene S. Levine, author of TheFriendshipBlog, http://www.fracturedfriendships.com/ and featured blogger for thehuffingtonpost.com http://www.huffingtonpost.com/irene-s-levine/the-real-housewives-of-je_b_218613.html.
Go to either of the above links to read the piece Dr. Levine wrote about my VUVCLUB! It is titled, The Real Housewives of Jericho.
And note that Dr. Levine, PhD is a freelance journalist and author. She holds an appointment as a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine and is working on a book about female friendships, Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Break-up With Your Best Friend, that will be published by Overlook Press in September, 2009.
Go to either of the above links to read the piece Dr. Levine wrote about my VUVCLUB! It is titled, The Real Housewives of Jericho.
And note that Dr. Levine, PhD is a freelance journalist and author. She holds an appointment as a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine and is working on a book about female friendships, Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Break-up With Your Best Friend, that will be published by Overlook Press in September, 2009.
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